ASK THE EXPERTS ABOUT
General LGBT Aging Issues


Q just diagnosed at 53
  Oct 15, 2008

I was just diagnosed HIV positive at 53 a few weeks ago. My brother died 13 years ago of AIDS this month. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed and angry and upset. I am not suicidal, and I have wonderful doctors. I'm not ready to tell friend and family yet. My question is, "How do I not go from going crazy?" I keep replaying over and over and over in my mind what I did wrong. I know, intellectually, that I can't redo the past -- we don't have that option -- but it's like I have a tape recorder in my mind that goes over and over and over what I did wrong. I feel so, so, so low.


A Response from Dr. Kooden

Dear fellow HIV positive person, Having also found out that I was HIV positive in 1987, I can easily understand much of your reaction. It is essential that you not try to go through this alone. Do you live in NYC or a city with a LGBT center? In most major cities, there are organizations that deal with exactly what you are going through. Talk with the health care facility that gave you the news and ask them about referral sources. It is good that you are pleased with your physicians so talk more with them. I would strongly urge you reach out to your friends and famiy. You do not need to add to your stress by isolating yourself. You have just received news that has changed your reality. You will come through this with a new sense of yourself and how you want to present yourself in the world. You are not the disease. You are a person who has been given a diagnosis. What you do with this diagnosis is up to you. It is possible to use this diagnosis about what you can change in the present and future--the time and energy that you use focusing on the unalterable past is a waste. You cannot change the past, only your reaction to it. You have done nothing wrong. You may have made some mistakes and you can learn from that. Rehashing the past only energizes it and takes you away from taking care of yourself. So please talk with those trusted friends and family members and use the phone book and internet to find an additional support system. Please let me know where you live and what progress you have made. Harold

Share


 



Terms of Use

Please remember that this forum is designed for educational purposes only, and experts are not engaged through this forum in rendering medical, mental health, legal or other professional advice or services. If you have or suspect you may have a medical, mental health, legal or other problem that requires advice, consult your own caregiver, attorney or other qualified professional.

Experts appearing on this page are independent and are solely responsible for editing and fact-checking their material. Neither SAGE nor any of the collaborating websites at which this forum is carried is the publisher or speaker of posted visitors' questions or the experts' material.

Questions and messages posted to this forum are not statements of advice, opinion, or information of SAGE or any of its collaborating sites. While neither SAGE nor its collaborating sites regularly reviews posted content, we reserve the right to delete, move, or edit postings if we deem it appropriate under the circumstances. Visitors submitting questions remain solely responsible for the content of their messages.