Hi there,
Your questions have me asking many questions of you since I know so little about you. First of all, how old are you and are you male or female? How long have you been together and is this a mutual desire to have children? Do you have friends who are having children and has this been an influence? Are thinking of adopting or having your own biological children? What relationship will you have with the donor or surrogate? Have you thought about going to groups for lesbian or gay couples who are thinking of having children? And where did you get the idea that the desire to have children is selfish?
Hopefully, we go through positive changes as we age and mature so we will necessarily ask different questions. Your answsers to each of the questions that I asked would change what I say. So first of all, if you are serious about having children then get to a group of likeminded persons. Remember, most of the research on children of lesbian and gay male couples finds them well adjusted and more able to handle stress and tolerate diversity. One of the obvious findings of this is that these couples did not accidentally have children but gave a lot of thought and energy to their questions and preparation for having children. So if these are serious questions for you, then you have some homework to do. If you live in NYC, then contact Center Kids at the LGBT Community Center and find out about these groups.
Good luck,
Harold
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