My husband of 10 years journeyed onward into death eight months ago. I grieve heavily and am beginning to live a little on my own each day. My problem is nothing helps me more than friends and family talking with me about our Steve. Nothing helps me more than friends and family crying with me remembering our Steve. But when I am around they shut up about him. I an't make them talk about him. I try. But they have the idea that it hurts me to cry, that it hurts me to talk about Steve. Nothing helps me more. What can I do? I have tried not to weep - really tried hard - but I leak a bit no matter what I do - just a bit of leaking. Only our daughter understands. She's a blessing.

Hello there, I understand what you are talking about as I, too, lost my partner and had to let people know that it is fine to talk about him. He is still part of my life. I am glad that you have your daughter who understands. What does your daughter say about this? And most importantly, have you told you told everyone exactly what you have said in your letter--that if feels better for you to talk about Steve and to be able to cry with them. They may be trying to protect you for pain OR it may be they do not know how to handle their own pain. So first of all, make it clear to them that they are helping you if they talk and cry with you about Steve. They may also be afraid that this will never stop and they do not know how to stop the floodgates. So talk it over with them and make sure that they understand that this will not go on forever but is a necessary part of the grieving process. Steve may not be alive but he is a part of all your lives and it is essential that he be remembered and incorporated into your conversation, as long as it is not the only topic that you talk about. And if they cannot do any of this, then you just have to look elsewhere for the support you need but first talk it over with them. Good luck, Harold

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