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General LGBT Aging Issues

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Q.

Finding a partner

Where can a smart, talented 50'ish gay man with a physical disability find men to date who are able to see beyond the disability to the whole person?



A.

Response from Dr. Kooden


Hi, You are asking a good question which many men your age are asking. Whether it concerns a physical disability that is visible, a disability that is not obvious or simply referring to a 50'ish man, the question is the same. How to find someone who can see the whole person and not be limited by their perception of the disability or age? Given the reality that we live in an ageist and lookist society, it is difficult to find other men who can see the whole person.

So I have a question for you. Can you see other men in the same way that you are asking them to see you? Are you able to look at another man and not be limited by his age, his physical condition (disabled or not) or other criteria which are important to you. How do you look at another man and what criteria do you use to make a decision to pursue a further relationship with this man?

In other words, are you the kind of man that you are asking for? If not, then you have some to work to do on yourself so that you can be what you are asking for. And if you are that kind of man, then your task is much easier in that you have to just be out there and let the world see who you are. In my experience, we do not "find" the man but let ourselves just show who we are and let the man be attracted to us.

If we are constantly looking, then we are looking for what we expect which means a narrow field of vision. If we just be ourselves and be out in the world, it means there is a much broader world that is experiencing us and we are not limiting our focus to just what we expect. So be that kind of person you are looking for and have faith that you will be seen.

Good luck, Harold






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