at what point in a romantic relationship should the issue of HIV be discussed?

Hi, Is this a general discussion about HIV with your romantic partner or is it about revealing your HIV status? As a general discussion, it is appropriate at any time in your ongoing dating. If it is about you or your feelings about the other man's HIV status, then I feel it should be done from the start. Having a "secret" affects how you relate to the other man. It is extremely difficult to be natural and relaxed while holding back something you feel is important to discuss. It can impinge negatively on your relationship even though you feel you are acting naturally. If by telling the man of your status, you fear he will walk away. Well, better you find out from the beginning rather than wait for the expected rejection.

Now, there is another belief system which says to let the relationship develop before revealing a potentially threatening fact. This may give the other man more of a reason to stay as he has more of an emotional connection with you. In either case, if it is important enough for you to write a question, then it is essential you get this matter out in the open NOW.

On the other hand, if this is just a theoretical question and you are preparing yourself for a future encounter, I suspect you already know the answer. Be open, relaxed and and natural with this man so that you are starting off being yourself. Be fair and let him know with whom he is dealing.

Having been in the same situation that you are talking about, I made a decision to always let the other man know that I was HIV positive from the very beginning. It cleared the air immediately and put the relationship on a level of honesty which only positively affected us. I was willing to take the risk that this would be a turnoff which, interestly enough, it never was. My partner and I are celebrating our seventh year and he is HIV negative.

Let me know if your question is theoretical or not and what happened.

Harold

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