My friend went into a nursing home and he's afraid of people finding out he is gay. Now he doesn't want me to even touch him. I feel so bad, what can I do?

Such a sad picture of what's meant to be your friend's golden years. Living in fear and shame is self-destructive.

Leaders in the field of geriatrics, practitioners and nursing facilities have been gradually confronting their misunderstanding of human sexuality and the needs of older persons both heterosexual and homosexual. There's still alot of progress to be made in providing healthy living situations but there is a lot of momentum towards recognizing the sexuality of the older person and the desire and need for loving and intimate relationships.

Discuss your feelings with your friend. He might not want to deal with the issue because of his fear of being outed.

Your friend may not want you to discuss his issues with anyone at the nursing home and you must respect his confidentiality. However, without identifying your friend, you personally might want to meet with the nursing home's social worker to discuss general issues of patient sexuality and how nursing homes accept gay and lesbian persons. If you are willing to reveal that you are gay, you might discuss that you are concerned about your life should you want to enter this facility.

Initiating a discussion is always a way to get folks thinking.

Peace and Good, Ken

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