Ask the Experts about General LGBT Aging Issues
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Q: All For Nothing
I am a 55 y.o. african american/portuguese, HIV negative,handsome, extremely educated, employed, kind hearted, athletic and all that other good stuff gay man yet no one is attracted to me. I feel as though everything I have strived for was in vain. I am actually ready to die. I have felt this way for many months. I do not want to harm myself.
A: Response from Dr. Kooden
Harold Kooden, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Hello, I am glad that you do not want to harm yourself though you feel very depressed. I have many questions which would be best answered by you and your friends. Is there something you do to keep potential partners at a distance? You describe yourself very positively but to whom are you attracted? Are these men who are either threatened or unot interested in all that are? It is all about mutuality, so do you see any men as peers? You describe yourself in glowing terms except for the way you have felt over the recent months. Is this a function of your difficulty with aging and possibly not seeing anyone as accomplished or as deserving of you? Since I do not know your history, I can assume that this is a recent phenomena and different from your life before You clearly have had an interesting and accomplished life so far and there is no reason why it cannot continue indefinitely. Maybe this is a time for a re-evaluation of how you make yourself available to other men and how you present yourself. You have much to offer so start associating with men who can see and appreciate you as well as your appreciating them. Do you feel you are ready to investigate your local LGBT center or SAGE? Aging always brings new questions. My best to you, Harold
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